I Thought I was Humble and Good
I was disorderly & I thought I was orderly; I was self-righteous & proud & used to think I was humble & good; I was sinning [more so in my mind & heart] & used to think I was pure & clean.
As I think back, I guess the façade or the aura I created about myself was to feel loved, the deepest core behind the façade, an authentic need nevertheless. I wanted to be accepted in my own eyes & in the eyes of others.
When Jesus found me in 1998 [John 15:16], the masks fell. The realization that I am a sinner was a wonderful starting point as it paved the way for John 3:30- “He must become greater; I must become less.” And the good news was that I was accepted and loved just the way I was. So quite miraculously, though I was tumbling without the crutches of false goodness and self-righteousness, I was not falling, but was being planted on a firm ground [Psalm 119:105].
While the masks fell, I was being restored.
The Love that God has for us in Christ Jesus is eternally medicinal, a cure for all human ailments. It began the process of my continual restoration. The Lord used several Christians with whom, I have enjoyed walks of faith, before being prepared for confidence to accept solitary walks with the Lord that He may speak & correct gently.
Resurrection to the abundant life comes through the cross of repentance and brokenness first.
I felt that the scales from my blinded eyes fell. Everything around me looked new. The trees and the leaves, the flowers and the sky. The people who once bothered me, particularly during peak traffic hours, gave me an awesome feeling that they are all created in the image of God!
The living waters (John 4:14 “Whoever drinks the water I will give him will never thirst”) swept away all the philosophies, contradictions and “intellectualism.” I am thankful to the Lord for the words in James 1:21, to “Get rid of all your moral filth.” So, in turn the living waters swept away the pain of falleness.
All this happened by a simple prayer my college friend asked me to say ‘Whosoever is the true living God, please reveal yourself to me’.
Each word in God’s Kingdom bears an unfailing meaning and so the simple prayer became powerful. Before that was the hard one-year of trying to critically analyze the Bible.
Psalm 119: 130 says that the “unfolding of your words give light; it gives understanding to the simple.” I was made simple so that I may understand.
The words in the Bible pierced my heart again and again in order to give me a new healthy heart.
My Hindu parents were bewildered and felt rejected. But the change Lord was bringing about started to register with them as from expectations; my heart was replaced with deep gratitude to them for their sacrificial lives. From “What have they done for me?” to “What have they not done for me?” outpoured in me. Step by step the Lord taught me to love, respect and honor them through the bridge of forgiveness. So the good news was that Jesus found me with my family! I am proud to be in their family and I am proud to be in the family of Christ. Similar has been the restored relationship with my brother and sister, even as I wait upon the Lord (wearing His yoke) for their lives to receive the wholesome love of Jesus.
While God gave me back my law profession as a vocation and calling for Him, it is exiting to know that the Bible is the ultimate source of truth and justice.
My relationships with other Christians, this church, has been my home, the aroma of Christ. I have received sound spiritual nourishment and meaningful fellowship. Due to the uniqueness here, I feel one day my wonderful communist friends can end their search in Homes such as this. Christ is our ultimate Home of Peace & this Church emanates that.
Pruning is a life long process and I pray to keep learning in my journey towards Christ.
The parable of the prodigal son is a reminder for me that I may never lose the spiritual wealth in Lord Jesus or else I will be lost & dead and Jesus has to find me again.